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Hi All:
While we're waiting for the market to open tomorrow, here's some market
humor stuff forwarded from "The StreetInsider"...
Enjoy the jokes!
Regards,
Wong
+ + + + + + + + + +
From: "Free Technical Updates" <TheStreetInsider>
Delivered-To: mailing list TSICFREEUPDATES@xxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: FWD: a good laugh
We all have a reason to Cheer today! The market is looking
strong and our pockets are feeling fatter. Take a few
minutes to read the financial jokes below, they are a riot!
Then forward the jokes to some friends. We all deserve a
good laugh!
The Staff
***************************************************************
1. The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last
night. I woke up every hour and cried.
************************************************************
2. The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the
strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran
into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who
could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters,
longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing
thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny
squeaky voice
"I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down,
the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the
little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man
clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into
the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the
$1000, and asked the little man,
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a
weight-lifter, what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
************************************************************
3. How do you get a broker down from a tree?
Cut the rope.
************************************************************
4. Each of three individuals -- an Accountant, a Statistician,
and a Commodity Broker -- had a dog. After many years of
bragging about whose dog was the most intelligent, they decided
to resolve the issue. They accumulated a total of 16 bones, and assembled
in the park one morning.
The Accountant's dog -- Actuarial -- was summoned, and
instructed to convert the pile of 16 bones into a balance sheet.
The dog checked-out the pile, and divided it into two piles of
eight bones. The three individuals were impressed, and Actuarial
was rewarded accordingly.
The bones were again put into a pile, and the Statistician's
dog -- Deviation -- was summoned, and instructed to take the
square root of the bones. Deviation checked-out the pile, and
moved four of the bones from the pile. The three individuals
were impressed, and Deviation was rewarded accordingly.
Finally, the 16 bones were again put into a pile, and the
Commodity Broker's dog -- Commission -- was summoned, and
instructed to "Do your thing!" Commission ate the 16 bones,
screwed the other two dogs, and ran away.
Anonymous Guru
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